Your Choice !!

There are hundreds of ways to define life.
One way of defining it that caught my attention was that, a human beings entire life is purely a chain of choices and decisions. One decision after the other, One choice to the next! 
Almost, every awake moment of our lives we are making choices, be it big or small, tiny or major!
A person’s complete lifespan can be mapped out on the basis of his choices and decisions.

In relation to any aspect or department of a person’s life, the exact set of reasons that made him or her reach the present scenario in that department can be known, if the person could recall the exact series of his chosen choices!
Smallest or the biggest of occurrences in a person’s life like what was eaten for dinner, the movie that was watched, the clothes that are worn, the car that is purchased, etc, right upto the major things like the person you marry, the place where you live, the job offer that you accepted, places where you invested your time and money, you having kids or not, the times when you lost your temper, whether you responded or reacted, etc, is all due to AN INDIVIDUALS ‘OWN’ ‘SERIES’ OF CHOICES FROM THE PAST continuing upto the present point when the occurrence occurred! 

The only exceptions that I could think of is you can’t choose your parents or blood siblings, the family that you are born into, who raises you until you become a thinking individual and the time of your death (in case it’s not a suicide or a murder!)

There could be many outside influences that might have played a role in the individual making a particular choice, but the final decision was, is and always will be, the individuals ‘OWN’! (For my views on Destiny, please see the P.S. at the end of this write-up!)

Now, let us talk about the problem area.
The problem is that when we make a choice we do not know the outcome. Eventually, as time goes by, the consequences come out in the open. And it is then that a person actually comes to know whether the choice was appropriate or not.

And so, because every person himself or herself is the “chooser” / “the decision maker”, the person automatically becomes responsible for the consequences that have to be “beared” or “enjoyed”. If the consequence is as hoped for, it becomes “enjoyment” and if the consequence is not what was expected, it becomes a “bearing”! (There is a mild hypocrisy here, but let’s overlook that for now!) At such a point, that same choice which was once “labelled” as being RIGHT……would now be “Re-labelled” as WRONG because the outcome was not as wished for. And then the “bearing” starts!

Well, some bad outcomes can be controlled or repaired if given a chance. But one thing is for sure, nobody can undo anything “completely”.
A person might come across a similar turn of events in future as they did in the past wherein they can write a new future based on their past experience. Better choices in future can help overshadow the past, but unfortunately (or fortunately!) the strength of completely undoing all the bad choices of past is not yet endowed to us Humans!
There is no ‘undo’ button in life and that’s a bitter truth we all know!

And, We all make bad choices every once in a while. Its human to err, right?!! So, in a way, it shouldn’t be that big a deal.
Maybe, that’s True.

But, for many people it does become a very big deal because sometimes the result of a choice is so damn devastating that it tests a person’s bearing capacity to the highest level! In the minor aspects of life it does not affect us much but in the major aspects, depending on the gravity of the bad consequences, feelings of regret & sadness start filling that person’s mind & the story of “IF ONLY..” & “I WISH I HAD..” begins…
“If only I had accepted that offer!”
“I wish I had not believed that!”
“If only I had said a NO!”
“I wish I had said a YES!”
“I wish I hadn’t reciprocated that way!”
And many other similar kinds of thoughts start flooding that person’s life!

And so, ‘AGAIN’, the person has a choice to make with regards to how to deal with the result of an earlier BAD choice!
It is the choice of how to deal with the consequences and how not to get trapped into the regret circle of “IF ONLY…” & “I WISH I HAD…”

I believe that this choice holds a much higher importance in a person’s life than the original bad choice itself!
It is a crucial choice as it dictates and affects the persons future to the highest degree!

So keeping all of this in mind, very broadly I have been able to categorize people based on the paths that they “choose” in dealing with their bad choices of the past and its subsequent consequences-

TYPE 1- THE BROKEN.

The BROKEN type of people choose to “allow” few of their bad choices to overpower their entire lives, their entire future! They might go into depression, some become violent; some even try to end their lives, some become vicious, some get frustrated and many other types of negative “reactions” take control of their lives. They continue to live a bitter life! They loose the sense and the power to forgive themselves. The ability to “look beyond” becomes absent and these people destroy themselves, slowly and steadily!

TYPE 2- THE BLAMERS.

As the name suggests, this kind of people pass on the blame! They pass it onto other people or situations. And if nothing works, then the good-ole Destiny and God is always there to be blamed! They do not have the guts or the heart to accept their mistakes and bad choices. They lack the strength to accept humbly that they faltered. They somehow, “anyhow” try to get away from the blame. They live in a hypocrite mindset. Funnily, if the consequences are good then they take the credit for the good choices and if things turn out to be bad then they blame other people, situations or Destiny! These kind of people, in most cases, remain highly unfulfilled and dissatisfied throughout their life. Many-a-times, in the long run these people get converted into THE BROKEN type of people.

TYPE 3- THE RUNNERS.

These people choose to run away from their regret and sadness of the bad choices by trying to somehow prove that their choice was right. Maybe ego is at play here! Maybe not! But they do try to hide their mistakes and misery behind fake masks. They try to justify, with all their might, that their choice was right and that they are happy with the consequences!
And such people make their lives pathetic because of the duality they live in. From deep down inside they keep regretting and burning and on the outside they have to maintain the act of being happy about their choice and its outcomes. Such people, in the long run get very tired mentally. They keep running from their past by portraying an unreal happiness and very soon, burn themselves out! Lots of frustrations keep seeping out in various forms and they are like time bombs, ready to blast and breakdown!

TYPE 4- THE REPEATERS.

These people choose to portray, on the face of it, that they ‘gracefully accept’ their mistake and wrong choices. They “show” as if they have learnt and grown. But in reality it is just a charade! And the cover of their charade is blown when sooner or later they make similar bad choices as they did in the past (which they claimed to have learnt from and were behaving in a way that if given another chance, they would not do the same again!).
Such people keep repeating History!

TYPE 5- THE UNBOTHERED.

These kind of people accept their bad choices and mistakes but they do it in a shameless manner. They behave as if they are not affected by the outcomes and their bad choices.
I don’t mean that there is any shame attached to wrong choices or mistakes. But, I believe that one needs to acknowledge that they faltered in their choice and do the same humbly. Only then can a person learn, grow and write a better future. And I use the word shameless for this category of people because even though they do accept their bad choice but it is done in an egoistic and rude “I made a mistake, SO WHAT??!!” manner. These people “behave” as if they are not affected by the bad outcome. It is a psychological defense mechanism which helps them not feel regret or sadness superficially. But this, generally, does not last long. It is like anesthesia! And these people also get tired and worn out in the long run. Sooner or later, they are made to face reality. More often than not, these people also keep repeating History.

(It is not necessary that a person would fall into only one specific category. Many people choose to be in either of the above categories which varies according to the person’s situation and time.)

TYPE 6- THE OTHER KIND.

And then there is the “other” kind. This “other” kind of people choose to accept that their choice was wrong, go through the pain and consequences with patience, they learn, they grow & they come out evolved. And due to this, these people learn to Forgive themselves (in the real essence of forgiving!) They do all this with grace. This “other kind” of people do not run away or hide behind masks or try to prove ‘anyhow’ that they were right. They try everything in their power to repair or control the damage of the bad consequences because they are humble enough to accept their mistake. They even try to CREATE opportunities to repair. And if they are unable to do that, they anxiously wait for such opportunities. They don’t let Ego control themselves when they get such opportunities! They do not let bitterness and viciousness take control of their lives. Their growth, humility and evolution is visible in their day to day life. They are comfortable in their skin when it comes to accepting their mistakes of bad choices. And such people are the ones who actually become much better people than they were!
Their experience becomes useful for people around them too. They do all of this in a beautiful manner!
Most importantly, they let their future be defined by their “this” choice of becoming “the other kind!”
And hence, they make a future so strong and glorious that their past becomes ‘PAST’ and subdued.

So, my dear friend, if you have to make your choice and decide, Which category would you like to fall into??!!

You might have made mistakes with regards to your choices in the past. Alright, that’s understandable.
But you choosing to not become one of the “other kind” is not at all understandable!
Make the right choice my dear.  “This” choice of yours, about how to take things and handle yourself AFTER making some bad choice, itself is an opportunity and a chance you are getting to start making things better.
It is the most important choice! Trust me, this would have a bigger and a lasting effect on your life than the original bad choice itself. So choose wisely!

I Pray for you that May the Universe Help You with your choices, always!
May Peace Be Unto You.
-Vishrut

(Dear Reader, Please do share your views in the comments section below or email me at vishrut.parekh@gmail.com. Thanks 🙂 )

P.S.- If you are of the opinion that it is all about Destiny, then you are not completely wrong. But you are not completely right too! For more about my views on difference and co-relation between “Destiny” and “Choice” please have a look at my write-up “LIFE MATRIX” by clicking here and please do share your thoughts. Thanks. 🙂